How it all began.
Mum gave birth to three children. One was born by caesarean section. The youngest contracted meningitis whilst in hospital which left him disabled. The stress of coping with all this and very little support from her family made the road to survival seem a treacherous journey.
Through years of trauma she always remained positive and always had a good word for everyone, even for those who did her wrong. She was an incredible woman who I am proud to call my mother. Mums motto in life was “If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.” Boy, was there a lot of lip biting when I was younger. The cliché I have since passed onto my own child. The years went by and us children all grown up had found our own way in life. Mum settled in her own home alone. It was the first time I saw her content within herself; she loved her own company and loved attention when with friends. She was the life and soul of any party. Mum was larger than life and not just in personality! She found herself a great guy who was 15 years her junior. At the age of 50 years young she related to men her own age as ‘the wrinkles’ and too stayed. Her man absolutely adored her. Anyone who could treat my mother like a queen got my seal of approval. For the first time in her life she was free to enjoy life. A problem shared is a problem solved! All of a sudden mum had given up on a very active relationship and had cut down going out. She found excuses not to join in any activities that she had been accustomed to. There was something very wrong that mum wasn't saying. One day whilst out shopping she had a panic attack. She looked like a frightened rabbit taking the full beam of the headlamps.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
“Just take me home. I have to leave now.”
That was the start of the slippery slope, spiraling downwards faster than she could control. A beautiful, brilliant, lively woman reduced to a house mouse, with confidence fading into oblivion.
“No secrets mum, that’s what we said.”
“I'm fine sweetheart.”
Not the answer I was expecting, but I wasn't going to give up. A year later after a course of anti- depressants, she finally opened up. She told me she needed an operation. Oh my God! Cancer? Heart? After all she was a heavy smoker and with both her parents who died before the age of 55 of heart conditions. My mind was racing, I felt as if my own heart had dropped to the pit of my stomach churning the acid. When mum told me it was Stress Incontinence. My immediate reaction was to laugh. Not mockingly, it was more of a release of relief that it was nothing more sinister. I knew nothing of incontinence at the time. Why should I, I did not have it and it is something not spoken about. My idea about incontinence was something that only happened to old people. Or was it???
Mum had an operation called the TVT or Trans Vaginal Tape procedure, things were getting back to “normal”, she was back to her confident self again, but her sex life still remained a memory. She had lost the confidence to enter a sexual relationship. The anti depressants and psychological effects had had a large part in this. She started opening up about the whole experience. She thought she was the only woman this had happened to. She in her own mind had become a freak. She thought that losing urine involuntarily she would smell, so it was easier to remain at home. What if she lost urine during intercourse? How humiliating! So she got rid of the man. Everything was a compromise to hide the underlying problem. Just like millions of women the world over go through. Simply because they don't understand their own body and are too afraid to ask for help and advice. After a year her incontinence had returned.
'You are not alone'. The Dr said due to mum being overweight the problem had re-occurred. “Give up smoking and lose weight.” The echoing repetition of an abrupt doctor bounced around mums head. If only it were that easy. Her condition was once again overlooked and under diagnosed. Mum came away from the doctor in tears, and was so upset by the nonchalant attitude of the Doctor. The very person that should have been there to support her had sent my mother into another spiral of depression.
“Gaynor, it's back… I can’t go through this again.” Her voice was timid. I felt absolutely helpless.
In the one year of her being 'urine free' I had done a small amount of research. Knowing what I had found, I knew there was a solution, just finding the right one to suit mum. There is help out there beyond invasive treatment. We will pursue this together!
So the search began to find a product other than pads and surgery that could help because at this point, for mum, nothing seemed to work. ‘Taboo’ factor called…Incontinence.
Amazingly, in our search, we found there were over 4 million women in the UK and 13 million women in the USA who were suffering from this condition called ‘Stress Incontinence’ or ‘SUI’.
That’s a lot of ‘leaky ladies’ who need immediate attention. The other interesting facts that came out were ‘Stress Incontinence’ is part of the ‘Taboo’ factor. It is one of those problems swept under the carpet. Just like mental health and cancer (about 10 years ago). Unfortunately, the ‘Taboo’ attitude still remains around ‘Stress Incontinence’ and ‘Incontinence’ as a whole…
Perhaps, if we don't speak about it, it may go away? Well, I'm sorry to say, life isn't that simple and the workings of the human body are even more unforgiving.
Mum and I had nursing experience and we were determined to find a solution. We then started studying urology in depth, to help us understand the whys and how's of the system, to help ‘fix’ her silent, self alienating, ‘Taboo’ problem called ‘Incontinence’.

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